I sit here wracking my brain at the last 27 years as a broadcaster and I can't seem to recall a harder week--professionally and almost personally.
I stretch back to the Kirtland Cult Killings in April of 1989. Another horrendous story. I was a newbie in television news with only a few years under my belt eager to experience all and every thing news. I was young, working at WEWS, and extremely pumped that we beat the competition on this story. I guess the fast flowing adrenaline did not allow me to focus on the tragedy at hand as it was happening. Though awful, with a stunning development that as a student at Hiram College, I may have met Jeffrey Don Lundgren on a tour of the Kirtland Church, it still does not compare to this week.
I ponder the East 87th Street house fire from May, 2005 where 8 children and 1 adult were killed. I was actually on the news desk working the overnight shift that night. I heard the call and got the wheels in motion for our coverage in Cleveland's most deadliest house fire. I was moved, but not like this.
The shooting at SuccessTech and the hostage standoff at CWRU did not elicit the same feelings I experienced this week.
The collapse of the Twin Towers came very close, maybe even paralleled the turmoil within and the non-stop working hours. Many tears were shed the week of and weeks following 9/11.
Yet, the events on February 27, 2012 in Chardon, Ohio has affected me in ways I never imagined. I can't quite put my finger on it and may never have an explanation, except remembering how I've felt all week.
Personally, nothing will compare with the death of my Mother and then 6 months later my father figure. I'm still not over her death--really never will be. Daily I carry so much grief around in my heart from that life altering day. Maybe life as I knew it changed when Mom died leading me to how I feel today--dictating how circumstances affect me now.
This unexpected calamity happened in our backyard. Chardon IS and has always been the poster child for 'hometown America' and Northeast Ohio's 'adopted city.' If you are from here, you've more than likely visited the Great Geauga County Fair in your lifetime or the Maple Sugar Festival. We'd go every year. We'd hit the pancake breakfast and have contests on who could stir the maple sugar fastest to make candy while we were twirling around in the ferris wheel.
We knew people from Chardon. I had an intern, a big football hero, who went to John Carroll and lived in Chardon. He wound up opening The Hilltopper Restaurant.
Going to college right down the road from Chardon could be another reason I hold it near to my heart. And taking it one step further, Mom's family had a farm in Chardon when she was growing up. She'd tell us such great stories of her family memories from Chardon, Ohio.
The day of the Chardon High School Shootings I was getting my car fixed in Portage County. The first I heard of the news was a breaking news text alert on my cell phone. All I could do until I could race into work was monitor what was happening via the service department's lounge tv. Even at that early stage, it seemed so surreal. Was this really happening? I felt like I was watching the events unfold on tv in slow motion.
This could not be happening down the road in Chardon, Ohio. Certainly not.
Finally, I was able to get into work. Similar to 9/11, I rushed in with my jeans and sweater, no shower, no food since Sunday making a quick stop back home tossing anything and everything into my car for the long haul. I knew I may be living at work or at the hotel next door, if need be, so needed whatever would fit from my cell phone charger to extra changes of clothes.
We excel in breaking news. Our non-stop, continuous coverage towered over the competition in every way, mainly because of our seasoned veteran reporters, anchors, and the hard working staffers at wkyc who all went above and beyond to cover this story all week long.
It's really hard to explain what happens during a breaking news story. There is mass chaos. That says nothing about an organization --it's just the nature of the business for a number of reasons: deploying your talent to numerous locations, processing hundreds of emails constantly flowing in, answering non-stop phones, trying to make calls verifying details pertaining to the story, feeding new details to my anchor people who could be going live in studio for 16 hours straight, being able to roll with new developments and change directions in a moment's notice, as well as just trying to keep the energy level up, stay hydrated and a little something in the belly so you don't pass out. There is sooooo much more than I just mentioned. It's absolutely insane but one of the many reasons I got into this business.
This goes on for days. You really don't have time to process what happened.
Then there comes that point where maybe the phone calls die down, you are able to leave work and depending on where you live, that short or long drive home in silence and solitude allows you to realize the events which unfolded. The tears begin flowing uncontrollably when you realize 3 young men just lost their lives at the hand of another confused young man and 3 others have been injured --the entire event took only minutes but will affect hundreds if not thousands of people forever.
Maybe this story has affected me so because it is 2012. This is the age of social media. In years past, you would see stories on tv and read about them in the newspaper. Today, it's hard to go a few seconds without seeing a new Tweet or new status update on facebook--many of them coming from all over the world.
We were receiving constant emails from viewers telling us about the victims' facebook pages, their twitter handles, friends of the victims sending us pictures from their facebook pages, and local media (whether it be print or tv) keeping everyone updated via Twitter and facebook.
The amount of information flowing in to the news assignment desk was insane. Crews in the field and staffers at 13th and Lakeside were exchanging information via email and text. Pictures were being sent both ways. Pictures coming into the station had to be verified, approved and then put on the air quickly. Emails were being circulated around by wkyc staffers so hopefully the reporters in the field knew where to go, what angles to pursue, any new information, and what the next game plan step may be.
I'm not going to lie. It was overwhelming, and at times, very confusing and frustrating. But you can't give up. You have to keep pounding the pavement, processing the information, keep the lines of communication open and just do anything and everything to tell the story and inform our viewers what is happening supplying everything they need to know.
I think at first, I was in work mode. I never shed a tear watching wkyc reporter Eric Mansfield interview Nate, the student who got grazed by a flying bullet. But I was stunned by the young man's matter of fact recounting of the morning's events and drawn in by his interview. He was clearly in shock. I was jarred that first day seeing parents hug their children, and first responders talk about the events. Then day #2, how could you not get teary eyed seeing Danny Parmertor's mom and dad give one of the most compelling interviews I've ever seen in my entire life. They recounted the minute they got the call straight thru them yelling at Danny in the hospital to breathe, don't give up, and pull through. I can't even imagine.
I think we, I, was too close to this story. Hearing Sheriff McClelland talk about meeting his wife at Chardon High and just seeing his sad face in interviews. It began weighing me down. These are all people I've worked with for years. They are our contacts, many our friends.
As each day went by, some new astonishing development unveiled or we came upon even more riveting sound from Nick's mom or Demetrius's mother or someone who just pulled at your heart strings reminding you you're human. The Parmertor family continues sending us home movies to let the world see Danny's great smile!
The more information that flowed into the assignment desk, the more you got to know the victims: Danny Parmertor, Demetrius Hewlin, and Russell King. I will never, ever forget them. I never knew them but feel as if I do.
Toward the end of the week, it was evident that everyone in the newsroom had been affected by this tragedy. We oftentimes spend more time with our co-workers than our families. We have to continue to be there for each other. We need to supply that shoulder to cry on or, as happened in the editorial meeting Friday, someone said something funny and we all erupted into laughter which eventually turned into tears because we all just needed to let it out, whatever emotion.
The entire world is sending love to Chardon. There is a great picture circulating on facebook from a battalion in Afghanistan sending prayers to Chardon. A Chardon resident coming back from overseas went thru the checkpoint in Minnesota. When the TSA official saw where he was from, he offered his condolences and told him everyone is praying for Chardon, Ohio.
I truly believe everything happens for a reason --even tragedy. I may never know why something happens but I know for sure that out of tragedy and evil, so much more good blossoms. It's hard to look at this situation so soon and even begin to assess the good but it is there. Daily miracles continue from the events which happened the morning of February 27, 2012. From the Supt. telling everyone to hug your children, to the outpouring of love we've already seen, it is there.
As part of my healing, I put aside my Sunday 'to do' list and drove out to Chardon. It was quite emotional yet necessary for me to begin processing what happened. As I drove east on 322 toward Rte 44 I saw red ribbon after red ribbon tied on trees and poles. As I turned on Rte 44 I began seeing even more red and black ribbons & signs in peoples' yards. Burr Funeral home has a huge heart on the front. I really did not know what to expect when I arrived at the Gazebo. I was able to park right in front. Again, a very surreal moment. I prayed and placed 3 religious momentos at the growing memorial for Danny, Demetrius, and Russell. It's overwhelming to be in the midst of the Gazebo memorial. There was a steady flow of people the entire time I was there. 1 man from Elyria stopped me to ask if I was a local. We chatted. Yet another miracle bringing complete strangers together to pray over this awful happening.
Being on the square definitely helped my grieving process. It was not a morbid scene. On the contrary. The spiritual energy was amazing as I walked around reading the heartfelt notes watching people light the candles which had been blown out. The school across the street had hearts in every window. My next stop: Chardon High School. That was hard. The memorials at the school continue to grow. But hearing the 911 calls, the dispatch tapes, seeing the video from Monday of SWAT deployed and then to be standing at that very same spot was quite eerie for me.
It's a school in 'hometown America' with yellow buses parked in the back, a track and football field yet the visions that kept running through my head were students exiting the school, parents running up to the school, SWAT with guns drawn, and imagining the scene as it unfolded in the cafeteria as the alleged shooter struck those innocent 6 students.
I have no doubt that the residents of Chardon and everyone affected will rise from these ruins even stronger than before. Life must go on, though life has been changed forever.
Eventually, I, we all must get back to the normalcy of our jobs, but for me life has been altered as well. I wasn't expecting Mom to pass away when she did. After her death I grasped the mantra of living each day as your last because tomorrow may never come.
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in daily living, unnecessary worries, and really stupid, petty problems that we lose sight of living, we lose sight of loving, we just lose sight. God always reels us back somehow. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes a magnanimous tragedy of this caliber to reel us all back to hugging our children, loving our neighbor, and believing in our God.
God really does work in mysterious ways. 3 young men I've never met before will be a part of my life from here on out. Danny, Demetrius, and Russell, your heroic actions will be a beacon for me to follow for the rest of my life. Losing you has not and will not be in vain.
You will be with us, in our hearts forever.
I look forward to that day when I get the chance to meet you in Heaven, thank you in person for all you've done for me, and give you all the biggest hugs in the whole wide world!
